The Village That Sustained Us

Mar 4
2 min read

Geoffrey Newman author — *The author and his husband, Christmas 2023 (Photo courtesy of the author).*

Originally published in the Gay & Lesbian Review, this personal essay reflects on the power of community during one of the most frightening chapters of Geoffrey Newman’s life. After more than five decades together, Geoffrey and his husband faced a life-threatening medical crisis that tested not only their resilience but also the systems meant to protect them. What carried them through was something deeply human: the kindness of others.

Below is an excerpt from the essay.

You can read the full piece at the Gay & Lesbian Review website.

My closest friend, partner, husband—someone I care for deeply—has struggled with heart disease for many years. We’ve been together for more than five decades, enduring not only the normal pressures any couple might face but also the unique challenges of being a gay couple in a world that hasn’t always welcomed or protected us.

Managing these external forces—be they professional, societal, or medical—has tested us in ways we never anticipated. One of the most persistent challenges has been navigating a healthcare system that often seems built for straight couples. Medical providers frequently hesitate to include a same-sex partner in private conversations or decision-making, even when legal documentation is provided.

Unlike spouses in straight couples, who are typically assumed to be part of the decision-making process, I had to consistently prove my right to be involved in my husband’s care. My attorney advised me early on to carry his healthcare proxy and other legal documents with me at all times. I did so religiously—and I was asked, often, to present those documents before doctors or hospitals would speak freely with me about his condition.

For older gay couples especially, having clear legal paperwork is not just helpful—it’s critical.

What followed was a frightening medical crisis—and an unexpected outpouring of kindness from friends, neighbors, and even strangers that reminded us how powerful community can be.

Continue reading the full essay at the Gay & Lesbian Review →