An Interview with Geoffrey Newman
- geoffrey Newman
- Oct 7
- 5 min read
In this candid interview with Geoffrey Newman, he reflects on the defining moments that inspired his award-winning memoir Better to Cry Now. From confronting self-doubt to embracing love, vulnerability, and true acceptance, he shares how his life’s journey became both a personal reckoning and a message of hope for anyone striving to live authentically in uncertain times.
1. What was the defining moment that led you to write Better to Cry Now, and why did you feel this was the right time to share your story?
I thought a lot about writing a memoir because I thought my life had been so very blessed in growing up and coming to accept and learning to love myself. I had struggled with self-confidence and believing in charting my own way, my unique journey, rather than just trying to fit in and finally overcame my feelings of inadequacy. I observed so many young people who seemed to be going through this same crisis of identity . This situation appeared to be even more critical due to the changing political climate, diversity coming under attack, social pressures turning negative, people openly expressing anger instead of understanding and tolerance, confusion, and chaos. I felt there was a crisis that had emerged in our society, role models were needed now more then ever. I felt my story; my journey might help inspire others in defining their own unique direction, finding courage, acceptance of others and self, finding the ability to love others in addition to themselves. So, I decided to share my path through writing Better To Cry Now. My story might shed some light in these dark times, provide hope.
The memoir explores many personal challenges—what was the most difficult part of your journey to revisit and write about?
The most difficult part of my story to write was the section about my brother, my feelings about our relationship, my shame in being so judgmental of him. There were so many times in writing my experiences with him that I had to just stop, shed some tears, and then begin again. This was one of the hardest, cathartic moments I have ever been through. This writing brought me to a better understand of the complexity of love and hate, disappointment and pain, and finding a path of acceptance through forgiveness.
You write about breaking barriers. What barriers—internal or external—were the hardest to overcome, and how did they shape your identity?
The most difficult barrier to overcome was learning how to love myself, accept my shortcomings as well as my strengths and find the courage to be true to the man I was, wanted to be, not the one who others wanted to see. Learning from failure, growing from the pain that often comes from falling down, learning how to get back up and try yet another time was always my greatest challenge.
Was there a particular person or event in your life that shifted your perspective in a significant way? How is that reflected in your story?
The person who had the greatest impact on my life, in addition to my parents, was my friend, partner, lover, and husband. From the moment we met, we formed a bond that remains today, 50 years now and still growing. We struggled together, overcame seemingly impossible odds, laughed and cried together, dreamed achieving impossible visions together and built a life that we both treasure because we are at our best because we are together as one. He had the greatest impact on my life. From the moment we met I felt I could conquer any problem, overcome all obstacles and hurdles because of our collective strength. My life began to flourish the moment we met and joined forces as a couple.
The title Better to Cry Now is evocative. What does it mean to you personally, and how does it capture the essence of your life’s path?
Better To Cry Now is part of the phrase that my mother coined in helping to conquer the difficulties of public-school integration, “better to cry now, then be sorry later.” This adage has guided me throughout my life to always be prepared, always find the courage to fight any battle, never giving in to self-doubt or fear. It has and continues to be my guiding principle, my light at the end of the tunnel.
How did you find the strength to be vulnerable in your writing, especially when discussing moments of pain, rejection, or failure?
I found strength and courage to become vulnerable in my writing by not allowing myself to become embarrassed or overthinking. I found that when I allowed my writing to come from my heart not just from my brain, when I allowed my emotions to flow freely, a genuine honesty emerged as my words took a greater depth in meaning and power. I struggled with knowing the degree of how much my vulnerability should be exposed but came to realize that i needed to be as transparent, open and emotionally sharing as possible regardless the pain that may be generated. I had to take the risk of exposure, laying everything on the line.
Acceptance is a central theme in your memoir. What does true acceptance look like for you, and how long did it take to arrive at that place?
Acceptance of self, who I am, who I want to be, was always a struggle in my life. Defining myself, rather than simply accepting how others would define me never worked for me. I found I needed to shape the flow of my own life rather than simply riding the wave of life. This took years for me to understand and control. As a gay Black man, I had to define what that meant for me, not giving into stereotypes, not trying to be like others but accepting my own uniqueness, my own chosen path and behavior. I learned how to accept others only after I learned how to accept myself. I gained self-confidence only after I learned how to get back up on my feet after repeatedly falling.
In what ways do you hope your story will resonate with or help others facing their own struggles or identity challenges?
I hope my story resonates with others in showing that there are never hurdles too high to overcome, obstacles to great to move out of the way. Taking risks, building tenacity, discovering the courage to be yourself are the lessons I hope my story will teach. I want my memoir to illustrate that the only limitation one has is that which is self-imposed.
If you could go back and speak to your younger self at one of your lowest moments, what would you say—and has writing this book changed that message?
If I was able to speak to my younger self, I would say don’t let the fear of making a mistake damper your resolve to taking risks, venturing outside your comfort zone. “The greater the risk,” as my father used to say, “the greater the return. The more you give, the more you receive. Always go for the golden ring"
What has been the most surprising or rewarding response to your memoir so far, and how has it affected your sense of purpose or direction?
I have been surprised that the message of my book continues to inspire others. Comments from reviews and feedback have brought my attention to the universality of my experiences. I told my story not realizing that “coming of age,” building self-confidence, taking risks, going outside one’s comfort zone were goals that many people embraced yet struggled with achieving. I have gained strength from the realization that with all our differences, our individual struggles, we are really only one people, one race, the human race. As Ralph Remington stated in his endorsement of Better To Cry Now, "I am certain that BTCN will not only change but indeed save people's lives. In this harsh and cruel time that we live in, what a gift it is to receive such a precious flower."
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